WFMW: Working Myself Out of a Job

While Isabelle and I have been spending this week building her own "home management binder," I have been struck again with the realization that I could easily work myself out of a job in the next few years. In taking the time now to teach Isabelle the ways I run the home, and the things I do to make life smoother, I am paving the way for her to take on many of my tasks. And with Alex's love of cleaning, and Olivia's love of folding laundry and being in the kitchen, not to mention what Gracie's interests will be, I can pretty well have all my bases covered.

Now this is not to say that I would actually ever do this 100%, but what a great feeling it would be to know that I could, if needed. And besides, I love so many of my jobs in the home that I would feel deprived to give them up completely.

That aside, Isabelle loves the idea of having more responsibilities in the home. There are so many things she has taken an interest in and asked to learn about, but I have yet to take the time to teach her fully. Sometimes I think I don't give her enough credit. If she is capable of doing a task, and wants to do it, I am going to teach her how from now on. That is one of the reasons why we are doing this "binder" project.

The first project I had her do this week was to write out a list of what she thought were all of my household jobs. I told her that we would work together at everything on her list so that she could start taking on more responsibilities, and so that she would have this virtual "how-to" manual for when she grows up and has a house of her own. And I also told her we would have a lot of fun spending this time together and create some special memories for both of us. I was a little leery of how her list would turn out. I thought maybe I had scared her by saying that she would be learning all the things on her list and she would only put two or three down. However, I was pleasantly surprised by what she came up with.

Here is her list, in her own words:

1. Cooking
2. Buying clothes and food
3. Feeding me, Alex, Olivia, Gracie, and Dad
4. Washing dishes
5. Helping us learn
6. Caring for us
7. Washing laundry
8. Cleaning
9. Planning
10. Making a schedule
11. Making rules
12. Making sure the family stays healthy
    

She also made a cover for her binder and I wish I had picked up some batteries for my camera today so that I could show you how awesome she did! She really had fun with it, but took it seriously at the same time.

Today, I asked her to choose 10 favorite recipes from our Master Menu Plan that we could make together this week and next. We'll be taking pictures of each thing we make, and she'll copy the recipe into her binder also. Her 10 choices are:

1. Crepes
2. Chocolate chip coffee cake
3. Hot pretzels
4. Chocolate chip cookies
5. Pretzel chicken
6. Pierogi
7. Lemon bars
8. Brownies
9. Swedish meatballs
10. Chicken pot pie

We are both excited to start working our way through this list. We're also hoping to add to this list many times.

For now, training my daughter how to love and manage a life at home is really working for me.

Find more WFMW posts at Shannon's blog.

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For the Love of Homemaking

Isabelle and I have decided that this is going to be the week when we start on her home management binder. She is really looking forward to these next few weeks and so am I.

The purpose of this little project is three-fold. Firstly, it will provide a wonderful opportunity for the two of us to build some wonderful memories and get in some great one-on-one time. Secondly, it will give me a chance to put a true joy, love, and respect in her heart for all of a homemaker's duties, and to show her just how important and incredibly rewarding this job is. And thirdly, this will be a perfect introduction to home-economics, and will provide plenty of learning opportunities amidst the fun.

The home management binder that we are going to create is not going to be like the typical home management binder that so many of us rely on for keeping all of our important stuff in one place. Instead, we are going to make her binder into a scrapbook of sorts. I am hoping we'll make at least a few trips to our local scrapbooking shop to pick up some things for us to use as we go. The first project will be the cover of her binder.

We are going to fill her binder with favorite recipes, which she will choose and which we will then make together, hopefully getting lots of pictures in the process. I am hoping we'll get in at least one of her favorite recipes everyday.

We'll also create a schedule and chore list together, putting my list and hers side by side. We'll discuss the importance of getting certain things done every day and what happens when they don't get done. (I'm sure we'll have plenty of opportunities to review that first hand.) We'll also write out tips about cleaning and organizing as we go. I know this will be fun for her because she loves sharing tips with me that she learns! She also loves researching as much as I do, so we'll read through some home-organization books together.

One of the things that Isabelle has been really wanting to learn for the past few years is how to knit, so I'll be teaching her this month. I think I'll give her the option of making some dish cloths or a scarf. Then she can choose whether she wants to keep them or give them as a gift to someone. Once she gets the hang of it, she can sit on our back patio and knit. She is really excited about this one.

We'll also be filling in the pages with appropriate bible verses that show God's happiness in creating a loving and functioning home. I feel God's hand in all that I do, and I want to point this out to Isabelle as we work together.

These four things are the primary focus as of right now, but that might evolve as the weeks go on. While this next month will be a very focused time of working on her binder, I'm hoping it will be an on-going project throughout the years. My dream for this is that someday it will serve her well when she is setting up her own home. And in a few years, I'm sure she will be anxious to watch me create binders with Olivia and Gracie.

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Interesting Homeschooling Article

I was emailed this article today through one of our homeschooling groups and I just had to share. The author relies a little too heavily on stereotype for my taste, but I found his sentiments to be spot on. I hope you enjoy reading his words.

----------Home-schoolers threaten our cultural comfortMon Jun 16, 2008 4:50
pm (PDT)

*SONNY SCOTT:Home-schooler s threaten our cultural comfort *6/8/2008
9:39:01 AMDaily Journal

You see them at the grocery, or in a discount store. It's a big family by
today's standards - "just like stair steps," as the old folks say. Freshly
scrubbed boys with neatly trimmed hair and girls with braids, in clean but
unfashionable clothes follow mom through the store as she fills her no-frills
shopping list.

There's no begging for gimcracks, no fretting, and no threats from mom. The
older watch the younger, freeing mom to go peacefully about her task.

You are looking at some of the estimated 2 million children being
homeschooled in the U.S., and the number is growing. Their reputation for
academic achievement has caused colleges to begin aggressively recruiting them.
Savings to the taxpayers in instructional costs are conservatively estimated at
$4 billion, and some place the figure as high as $9 billion. When you consider
that these families pay taxes tosupport public schools, but demand nothing from
them, it seems quite a deal for the public.

Home schooling parents are usually better educated than the norm, and are
more likely to attend worship services. Their motives are many and varied. Some
fear contagion from the anti-clericalism, coarse speech, suggestive behavior and
hedonistic values that characterize secular schools. Others are concerned for
their children's safety. Some want their children to be challenged beyond the
minimal competencies of the public schools. Concern for a theistic world view
largely permeates the movement.

Indications are that home schooling is working well for the kids, and the
parents are pleased with their choice, but the practice is coming under
increasing suspicion, and even official attack, as in California.

Why do we hate (or at least distrust) these people so much?

Me thinks American middle-class people are uncomfortable around the
homeschooled for the same reason the alcoholic is uneasy around the
teetotaler.

Their very existence represents a rejection of our values, and an
indictment of our lifestyles. Those families are willing to render unto Caesar
the things that Caesar's be, but they draw the line at their children. Those of
us who have put our trust in the secular state (and effectively surrendered our
children to it) recognize this act of defiance as a rejection of our values, and
we reject them in return.

Just as the jealous Chaldeans schemed to bring the wrath of the king upon
the Hebrew eunuchs, we are happy to sic the state's bureaucrats on these
"trouble makers." Their implicit rejection of America's most venerated idol,
Materialism, (a.k.a. "Individualism" ) spurs us to heat the furnace and feed the
lions.

Young families must make the decision: Will junior go to day care andday
school, or will mom stay home and raise him? The rationalizations begin. "A
family just can't make it on one income." (Our parents did.)"It just costs so
much to raise a child nowadays." (Yeah, if you buy brand-name clothing,
pre-prepared food, join every club and activity,and spend half the cost of a
house on the daughter's wedding, it does.) And so, the decision is made. We give
up the bulk of our waking hours with our children, as well as the formation of
their minds, philosophies, and attitudes, to strangers. We compensate by getting
a boat to take them to the river, a van to carry them to Little League, a
2,800-square- foot house, an ATV, a zero-turn Cub Cadet, and a fund to finance a
brand-name college education. And most significantly, we claim"our right" to
pursue a career for our own "self-fulfillment. "

Deep down, however, we know that our generation has eaten its seed corn. We
lack the discipline and the vision to deny ourselves in the hope of something
enduring and worthy for our posterity. We are tired from working extra jobs, and
the looming depression threatens our 401k's. Credit cards are nearly maxed, and
it costs a $100 to fuel the Suburban. Now the kid is raising hell again,
demanding the latest Play Station as his price for doing his school work ... and
there goes that modest young woman in the home-made dress with her four
bright-eyed, well-behaved home-schooled children in tow. Wouldn't you just love
to wipe that serene look right off her smug face?

Is it any wonder we hate her so?

Sonny Scott a community columnist, lives on Sparta Road in Chickasaw County
and his e-mail address is sonnyscott@yahoo.
com.

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My Home Management Binder: An Update

We are now a week and a half into using our new schedule and chore charts. So far everything seems to be running fairly smoothly and falling into place. I think the few things that are not are more due to the craziness we've had around here lately and not the schedule itself. But it will be worth re-examining when life calms down again.

I have seen four huge benefits thus far. First, Alex and Olivia just love their chore charts. They have really taken ownership of their assigned chores and they carry their charts around with them like prized possessions. Just this afternoon, Olivia was looking at hers and realized she did not have a smiley face in the dusting column for today. She asked me if she could have a rag so that she could dust. Obviously I said yes! As soon as she was done, she brought me the rag and her chart. The three of us sit down two or three times a day to review their charts and fill in their smiley faces. They always point out what still needs to be done and then they make sure they do it. It is incredible! Why didn't I think of this sooner?

Isabelle also really enjoys her chart. She has had chore responsibilities for quite a while, but this is the first time we have done a "reward" (well, a star drawn on a piece of a paper) system and she's really enjoying it. Her kitchen duties have become her pride and joy, and they are such a huge help to me. She has breakfast duty or lunch duty on alternating days. We work side by side for now, but I have definitely seen her potential and see an area where I can slowly start working myself out of job. She loves it so much that I know she'd gladly take it over.

Designated preschool time has also been very beneficial, not for Alex and Olivia, but for myself. I am surprised with how much they know already and having this dedicated time has really opened my eyes. Of course I've always known the big things that they know (the alphabet, counting to 15, colors and shapes) but it is the little things I'm impressed by. I had no idea Alex could recite "Hey Diddle Diddle." Also, I had no idea Olivia could listen to a poem and ask a relevant question about it. These little things are so important, in fact, they are one of the many reasons why we homeschool. I will never again allow myself to miss seeing them.

And last but certainly not least, my one-on-one time with Gracie has led to remarkable progress with her gross motor skills. She is now pulling herself up to stand, sitting up on her own, and climbing into or on top of anything she can. I'm no longer worried. She's just going to be a petite thing whose physical development is below the charts for the first two years or so, just like Alex and Olivia.

I think I definitely hit on something this time with my scheduling. I don't feel nearly as stressed to stick to the schedule as I have in the past. The key for me must be to not have every half hour of the day broken down into individual assignments. I can still stay on schedule even when I'm not on schedule because I have a built in buffer zone. This may be one schedule that will go the distance.

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What Lessons Will We Teach Our Children?

DID JOHNNY GUESS?

"I love you, Johnny," said mother one day,

"I love you more than I can say."

Then she answered his questions with,

"Don't bother me now,"

And just didn't have time to show him how

To tie his truck to his tractor and plough.

But she washed her windows and scrubbed the floor

And baked and cooked and cleaned some more.

"Bring the boy next door in? Well I should say not!

You'll mess up the floors and I don't want a spot!"

"No, we don't have time for a story today,

Mother's too busy cooking, so run out and play.

Maybe tomorrow," she said with a sigh.

And Johnny went out almost ready to cry.

"I love you, Johnny," again she said,

As she washed his face and sent him to bed.

Now how do you think that Johnny guessed

Whether 'twas he or the house that she really

loved best?

-Unknown Author (taken from Above Rubies, November 2005 issue, p. 20)

I just had to share this poem today as it is one that has stayed with me since I first read it. I often remind myself of it when I get too busy. I remember the first thought I had, the very first time I read it, was "OUCH!" Unfortunately, I still have that thought when I re-read it now.

The simple truth that this poem expresses is literally painful to me. It reminds me that my children need to be my first priority. And although I know this, it is easy enough to forget as I go through my days with SO much to do. I remind myself that the dirt will still be there tomorrow, but the curiosity and admiration of my children may not. The food will still get cooked, whether it takes an hour by myself, or five with interruptions and many helping hands.

The lessons I want my children to take away from their childhood will not be learned if I am not there to teach them. I may be there physically all day, everyday, but where am I emotionally? If my body is present but my heart is not, surely I will not be demonstrating a love for my children that will be worthy to be carried throughout their lives. I most certainly will not be teaching them, by example, about the love of Jesus.

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Teaching My Daughters to Love a Life at Home

Over the past few years I have felt a very strong need to instill a love for home in my daughters. I want them to see the beauty, strength, and freedom that can be found as a Keeper at Home. I want them to realize a life at home is NOT what the world would have them believe it is; it is not limiting and smothering. The opportunities for skill and thought that come from keeping house are limitless. There have been so many occasions in my "career" at home to learn new skills, expand my knowledge, and stretch the boundaries of my creativity and intellect. I do not find this life boring or monotonous in any way.

However, there was a time in my life when I would have sworn I would never be "forced" into staying home and "wasting my life." Throughout my high school years, I was firmly entrenched in a feminist mindset. I remember even writing an essay belittling my mother for her choice to stay at home and "waste" her college education and intelligence on doing dishes and folding laundry. (I also remember how heartbroken she was when she read that essay as I proudly showed it off to her for the 'A' it received.) I had high aspirations to be a writer, and a college English professor. I was not going to waste my life at home!

It really is funny what high school does to a teenager. Before high school, I had wanted the life I have now. I wanted to stay home with LOTS of kids (I'm not there yet, I don't think 4 is a lot, no matter what anyone says!) and a wonderful husband. Luckily, my mind began to shift back to the thoughts of my younger self when I graduated from high school. I used to tell people that I would be a complete feminist if I weren't so old-fashioned. That, too, I have moved beyond.

Now, I see home as the place where God created me to be, doing the work I was designed to do. And no, I did not have to give up myself in the process. I still have the same dreams and aspirations, though they have been nudged in a different direction. I still write and read voraciously. The research that I've always loved so much now focuses around the Bible, child-rearing, homeschooling methods and materials, frugality, home organization, cooking, and on and on. I'm working everyday at achieving my Masters in the Fine Art of Home Management and "Helpmeeting" (aka the Proverbs 31 woman). I am far from there, but that is my goal now. My thesis will be written in the legacy I leave for my daughters. My diploma will proudly declare, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' " (Prov 31:28-29)

I want my daughters to have this as their firm foundation so that they can avoid going down that fork in the road I travelled down for a time. I never want them to view a life at home as something not worthy of their ambition. So far, I am doing an okay job at this. Isabelle loves to plan meals and cook, to fix up and decorate the rooms, and she is really looking forward to learning to garden once we are in a home. Her grandmother has taught her a true love and appreciation for sewing, and although she has not yet learned to sew, I am hoping she will so that she can teach me. :-) Olivia is 100% a keeper at home in training. She has a remarkable servants heart. She loves to mommy all of her baby dolls. She loves to be my right hand as I go about the tasks of my day, including sitting on the counter every single time I am in the kitchen. She is learning to cook and I can see the pride she takes in simply stirring a cup of flour for me. Gracie is in line next. She will be truly blessed to have not just mama, but also her two big sisters showing her the ropes.

As I have been working through the process of re-creating my Home Management Binder, I keep remembering a blog post I read a few months ago. It was about creating binders for our daughters that match our own where they can take notes, keep recipes, have their own schedules, etc. I really wish I could remember where I came across this wonderful idea so that I could link to it. When mine is complete, I believe Isabelle and I will start on one for her. This will make a wonderful summertime activity for both of us. I can not wait! (If anyone has any book/curriculum recommendations for me regarding this, I would love to know about them.)

I truly look forward to teaching my daughters the way of the home and learning new things together. I am anxious for the days when we can manage the home together as a team in preparation for each of them managing homes of their own. I am so thankful the Lord has put my mind in the right place and been a patient partner in my journey down this road. I trust He will continue to guide me in love and admonition as we go about the process of teaching these girls to embrace their roles at home.

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A Manager of My Home, A Leader of My Children

Eric and I spent a considerable amount of time discussing our parenting styles, and our overall vision for our family, last night. I am blessed with a super-insightful husband who has a lot of things figured out, whereas I'm still treading water and praying I will get it figured out someday. Luckily, Eric is patient with me. His desire is not to change me, but to help me grow. I fully see that and accept it and am so thankful for it. As the head of our household, the heavy responsibility of directing our family falls to him. My responsibility is to make sure I help him carry out his vision. The most important way I can do this is to make sure I am on the same page as Eric when it comes to the training and raising of our children.

As we were talking, we came to the realization that I tend to manage the children much like I manage the home. The downside of this is that I do not set them up to succeed with proper behavior. They are managed from one event throughout the day to the next. When discipline problems arise, each one of those is managed on a case-by-case basis. This does not make for a happy mama, or happy kids, or especially a happy husband. So, Eric's challenge to me is to LEAD the children, not manage them. At first I was a little apprehensive of this approach. I like to be a MANAGER of my home. That is my biblical duty. I am the "Keeper at Home."

However, as our discussion progressed, I really began to see the light in Eric's rationale. (And I realized that being a leader of the children in no way diminishes my role as a manager of the home. I can manage an inanimate object, but I should lead the living, breathing souls God has entrusted me with.) Together we researched traits of a great leader. The characteristics we felt most drawn to, and most easily applicable to the role of a parent, were laid out by Mortimer Adler. He was a U.S. Philosopher and a professor at Columbia University. (Beyond his views of leadership, I do not vouch for ANY of his other theories.) He viewed a great leader as holding a trio of traits: ethos, pathos, and logos. Here, I'll break down his definitions and how Eric and I applied them to our desired parenting style.

1. Ethos - Moral character
As parents, we should know why we believe the kids should follow us. It is our job to convince them that it makes sense to follow our leadership, and then they will freely choose to follow.

2. Pathos - Ability to touch feelings, move people emotionally
The children should question: What will I gain when I choose to follow? They should have the recognition that to follow us, their parents, feels good. This mutual respect creates a positive emotional environment.

3. Logos - Ability to give solid reason for action, to move people intellectually
It is our parental duty to show our children the path we are leading them down after they have chosen to follow. (For us, this path is simple. It is our family vision: To lead our family down a Christ-like path toward victory.) We can do this through loving consistency and discipline, as well as playfulness and affection. Our children should always know that our word is our bond and they can trust us to not steer them wrong.

Maybe now you're wondering, as I was, how do I put this into action? It's simple really. I am to view myself as the leader. Or rather, Eric and I are co-leaders, although most of the day-to-day leadership falls to me as I am the one at home with the children. I know that I am in charge, which allows me to present myself in such a way that the children feel questioning me is not an option. I speak firmly and make sure everyone keeps the path I am leading them down in mind. One way to do this is to lay out the day for the children in a concise way. As an example, this morning, after saying good morning to all of the kiddos, I firmly said, "Ok everybody, here's the plan. We're going to have breakfast, then get dressed, then go to church. When we get home you will make your beds and clean up the toys while I make lunch. Then we'll eat lunch." Would you believe they all said "Okay" and were completely onboard, and we had very few disruptions to the plan? It's true! By presenting myself as the leader, they let me lead them. I am amazed. (And quite frankly I once again stand in awe of Eric. What a blessed woman I am to have him as my head. God sure knew what he was doing when he put this broken, lost woman together with this smart man.)

Now I know it isn't all going to be sunshine and smiles from here on out. I have some difficult work ahead of me that involves a LOT of time on my knees, crying out to the Lord to help me...to help me honor and submit to my husband, to help me be the mother my children need/want me to be, to help me stay strong in my convictions. The words of God that I will be carrying with me as I proceed down this path of being a LEADER to my children are:

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint"
(Is. 40:31)

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Why Simple?

Eric and I have been purposing for years to simplify our lives and just live a simple life. But what exactly does that mean? There are many books, blogs, magazines, and websites devoted to this topic. (I'll provide links to some of my favorites at the end of this post.) So let's start with an overview of how we view simplicity, and then why we choose it.

Back in 2005, Rick Saenz over at Dry Creek Chronicles wrote a wonderful series on Simple Living. I printed out the article and have kept it in my Home Management Binder all this time. It is underlined, highlighted, dog-eared, and well-read. (It begins here. I highly recommend reading it as it is both highly encouraging and convicting.) Here is a quote from the first post of the series that lines up perfectly with our views on simple living: "My concept of the good life is simple. It is a life devoted to raising our families, living in community, and worshipping God. An activity that contributes to those three things is to be welcomed; an activity that detracts from those three things is to be questioned. As we declutter our lives by eliminating questionable activities, they will become both simpler and better." Yep, that's about it in a nutshell. We choose to stay home when possible. We choose to limit our obligations that don't put our family in a place of priority. We choose the simple way every time. We avoid distraction, clutter (physical, mental and spiritual), and busyness whenever possible.

For us, a simple life means we find pleasure in little things, and we instill this in our children. We spend a large portion of our time at home and we are very content in doing so. We do not feel the need to be busy all the time. Busyness just for the sake of being busy is discouraged at every turn. We do not equate busyness with productiveness or importance. We see our home as the center of our productivity. There is so much we can be doing at home why would we add clutter to that by constantly having to be out doing something?

Now don't get me wrong, we do go out and we do expose the children to lots of opportunities to interact and be a part of the world. They enjoy seeing new things and people, just as we enjoy watching their reactions to these things. I believe the difference for us is that we never make those things a "Must-Do." As a result, we are able to find enjoyment without stressing ourselves out. Stress and simplicity just do not seem to go hand-in-hand. As an example, we can relax on a Saturday morning without feeling like we must be out and about as early as possible. With very few exceptions, anything that can't wait for us to enjoy a leisurely morning together is just not worth it. Then we can choose to spend a few hours walking around the stores of the quaint downtown area that is one town over from us. Then maybe we'll stop at the grocery store if we need to. Or maybe we'll just go to the library for a while. These are important activities to our family, and we all get much enjoyment from them, but they are enjoyed on our time schedule.

Another very important facet of living the simple life in our home is that we try to not clutter our surroundings up with unessentials. Just like stress and simplicity, clutter and simplicity do not go hand-in-hand. We are constantly weeding out, sorting through, and getting rid of what we do not need. It is very important to us that our children are raised with as much appreciation for curling up on the couch with a great book as they are for expensive toys. So far, we have been successful in this area. They still have an innocent, pure appreciation for the little things in life. We hope they will never lose that!

So, why do we choose to live this way? It may not sound like much fun to some people. But it is to us, and that is a very strong reason why we do it. By stripping away clutter, distraction, and busyness, we have found fun, happiness, and contentment. We are always looking for ways we can scale back even more. Our desire to live our lives in a Christ-like, Biblical manner is the strongest driving force behind our simplicity. Jesus did not need stuff, He did not need constant activity, He saw the beauty in the little things and the "little people" that so many of us miss day in and day in because we are too busy. This is also the reason we know we will never get to where we want to be. We will always be coming up against things that we need to remove or ignore so that we can continue on our simple walk. Our simple walk is about following in the footsteps of Jesus. He laid the path and we choose to follow. But follow is all we will ever strive for. We are content to be Jesus-followers and we know perfection and full satisfaction are beyond our reach while we are still in our earthly bodies. That's no reason we can't practice though!

As promised, here are some links about this topic that we enjoy:

An Amazon.com list of books concerning Christian Simplicity.
Simple Living America
A listing of some blogs related to simple living
Irresistible Revolution and The Simple Way
All of the blogs and links in my list at left.
Back Home Magazine
The Holy Way: Practices for a simple Life Paula Huston
Freedom of Simplicity : Finding Harmony in a Complex World Foster, Richard J.
**There are just too many to name! The options are limitless. Just do a search at your library on Simple Living

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A Parent's Second Most Important Job: Part 2, from a different angle

I know this will probably sound crazy to some, but one of the best secular self-training tools that I turn to for encouragement and to challenge me as a parent is The Dog Whisperer, aka Cesar Milan. He has written a few books and also has a show on the National Geographic channel. (Find out more about him here and here.) While part of his work is rehabilitating/correcting behavior issues in dogs, he also stresses how important it is that their owners be disciplined. This is where I see the connection. I am NOT comparing my children to dogs. Honestly, I'm not even a dog (or any pet for that matter) person. Eric read Mr. Milan's first book though, and he kept drawing all these comparisions between the way Mr. Milan would work with owners and the way we, as parents, want to behave. I was definitely intrigued.

When we first watched the show together, we both walked away from it feeling motivated in our parenting roles. For Eric, he's all about standing tall, shoulders back, speaking firmly, fairly, and directly. If you ever catch an episode, you'll see that is exactly what Mr. Milan does with the dogs, and it works. He has not bullied them or bribed them or made empty threats to get his way, but he has demanded and earned their respect. I see Eric do this all the time with the kids and I am constantly amazed at how well it works. And boy do those kids LOVE him!!

I, on the other hand, feel motivated by the show and see all the genius behind these methods, but I am not as quick at turning feelings into action as Eric is. Mr. Milan definitely stresses things with the dog owners that I know I need to implent in myself. He stresses the need for consistency at all times and at all costs, he pushes the owners to be more disciplined with themselves, and he shows how to present yourself as in charge for the sake of earning respect, not for being a dominating, bullying force. Aren't these all things we strive for as we parent our children? This for me is the connection between what Mr. Milan does on the show/in his books and basic fundamentals of parenting. It is just another angle to look at as we daily struggle to "train up our children in the way they should go."

I hope I've made my views on this clear and that everyone understands, once again, I am in NO WAY comparing my children to dogs. (It is all about the adults, be it the dog owners or the parents.) Also, this is not an endorsement of Mr. Milan's dog-training techniques. Although I have read/seen/heard amazing things about the success of his program, I have no first hand knowledge of it, so I am not in any kind of position to make such an assumption. I just wanted to offer up a different angle that we can utilize in our "parenting arsenal" to train and discipline ourselves properly so that we might train and discipline our children properly. If you get the opportunity, check out his show or one of his books and let me know if you agree.

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A Parent's Second Most Important Job - Part 1

Obviously, a parent's first most important job is to love our children unconditionally, with our whole hearts. I believe the second most important job is to be consistent. Consistency is so crucial to the proper training of our children. Not only does being consistent in our discipline lead to well-behaved children, it also provides them with a sense of security and stability. When I am not consistent, a misbehavior that was shooed away yesterday because I was too busy is repeated today. When I discipline that behavior today, don't I just come across as a bully? I can almost hear my children thinking: "But it was okay yesterday. I don't understand why mama is mad at me."

Yet, believe me, I know it is SO hard. In fact, I would say it can be incredibly hard at times. As a homeschooling, stay-at-home mother, I am with my children all day, every day. There are many, many times when it is just easier to overlook a misbehavior, or to make a half-hearted attempt to stop it and then not follow through. And I hate to say this, but I still fall into this trap more often than I'd like to admit. This is just plain Laziness (yes, with a capital L) on my part! I know better, yet I myself am not disciplined enough to discipline my children properly. The ironic thing in this situation is that if I am disciplined in my consistency, my children are disciplined properly, and the instances of misbehavior drop so much that disciplining is not even necessary at most times. When I am consistent, my children behave properly because they know that misbehaving is not even an option. When I am consistent, my children are happier, my husband is happier, and there is peace in our home. When I am consistent, I am able to relax a little and have more fun with my family. When I am consistent, parenting never, ever feels difficult.

Because I am purposing to make consistency a MUST-DO on my daily list everyday, I have been researching and brainstorming ideas and materials to help me. I need to be accountable for this to my husband and to myself, so failure is not an option. My first step will be to "pray without ceasing" and trust the Lord to help me be the mother He created me to be. If I put anything else as my first step, I believe my efforts would certainly fail. (They have in the past! *See my previous post on strength.)

One resource that I am very excited to implement I found on http://www.doorposts.net/. It is called the "If-Then Chart" and here is a description of it from the website:

"This chart is designed to help you be more consistent in
disciplining your children. When they disobey, it will help you know what you need to do, and it will help them know what to expect. It has helped my husband and me to be more united in our authority and discipline. Our children have responded very well. The chart is divided into 3 columns. The left-hand column lists common areas of misbehavior (arguing, complaining, hitting, defiance, etc.), each illustrated with a simple cartoon. The center column gives a Bible verse related to each sin. The third column is blank, for you to write in the agreed-upon
consequences for each misbehavior. The instructions offer suggestions,
but you choose your own disciplinary actions. Our regular wall chart version includes pre-lettered consequences to paste onto your chart, and the small laminated version gives suggestions for writing in your own consequences with a permanent or wipe-off marker."

Doesn't that sound wonderful? I'm hoping to order one soon, and in the meantime I may try to create something similar on my own. I encourage you to check out the website though. It is full of wonderful, godly child-training tools, curriculum, and encouragement.

Another resource I just love is http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/. The discipline ideas here are great, and consistency is stressed as the most important parenting tool. The website (and book) are full of wonderful information and ideas. The central idea is "tomato-staking" and I know from first hand experience how wonderfully this tool works. We did this a few years ago when our oldest was 6 and the results, in not just behavior but also attitude and heart, were instantaneous. However, I have not upheld my end and been consistent in keeping this up. I long for the fun and peace we would have in our home if I had. I plan to re-read all the information provided on the website and begin implementing it with our 3 youngers. (As a side note, we do not spank, per Eric's wishes. While mild swatting is part of the tomato staking plan for severe infractions, and only as a means to get the attention of the offending child, we do not follow this part. I would love to hear from anyone else in this situation and what you have replaced the spanking with. **If this element bothers you, I encourage you to go to the website and see what Elizabeth herself has to say on it. Her response is eloquent and informative. Please do not discount the rest of her ideas just for this reason.)

So, now I am off to pray, read, and put all my efforts into being consistent, consistent, consistent. I still have lots more to write on this issue though, so I will be continuing it in a few days. I will also update you on the results of my efforts.

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