Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Hindsight: Mothering Through Fear

This picture speaks volumes to me. I remember every detail of when this picture was taken and how I was feeling at the time. Overwhelmed, afraid and in love. That about sums it up.

In the picture, Alex is 11 months old and Olivia is 2 weeks old.

At the time, I did a fairly good job of covering up my fears and insecurities and acting like I had my act together. On the outside, I was organized and staying on top of everything. But inside, I was scared. I didn't know how to mother 2 children less than a year apart. Isabelle and Alex were almost 5 years apart. That was a piece of cake. But this new situation? I was clueless.

Throughout my pregnancy, every where I turned someone was telling me how hard it was going to be having two babies. They said I'd have my hands full. They said I would be overwhelmed and changing diapers non-stop. They said it would be hard to give each of them the attention they deserved.

After a while, I started believing all of them and doubting myself.

Every once in a while, someone would say we were blessed. I believed that too and I wanted to cling to those words. That was so hard to do when all these other voices were drowning out my mommy instincts.

This fear gripped me for a few months, compounded by a choking incident or two Alex had before his first birthday.

But eventually, I won. The fear subsided. The voices went away. I realized I really did know what I was doing (at least most of the time) and I really did have my mommy act together (as much as can be expected). The laughter and babbling of my babies covered everything else.

Stop by Cheaper Than Therapy for more Thousand Words Thursday. And because I am hooked on the wisdom of hindsight, I'm also linking this post to Hooked On... at Hooked On Houses.

19 comments:

~Sara 1:26 AM  

I love this post. I can completely relate to you. My younger 2 boys are 13 months apart. I remember finding out I was pregnant again when "B" was 4 months old! People thought we were crazy and placed lots of doubts in my head. Thankfully my close family was extremely supportive and we wouldn't of had it any other way!

MommaD 2:25 AM  

it always floors me how everyone feels the need to comment on your pregnancys! and still i get comments everywhere i go about how four is a handful, blah blah blah. but in the end, i would not change who any of them are, i would not make any of them a girl, and i will not have anymore. God gave me exactly who i was supposed to have when i was supposed to have them, and i try to treasure every minute...even though many of them are overwhelming!

Kim 7:33 AM  

I love this! I have never had the whole thing of 2 under 2, but I've known many who have and they don't seem any more frazzled that I was. Why do people always assume they know how it's going to be??
My ATWT

Tracey 7:45 AM  

Great post, I can realate, I felt the same way after I had my kids. and mine were 3 years apart. I think no matter how close or far apart they are in age it's overwhelming to even the best moms!

Leslie 8:00 AM  

Mine weren't as close as yours, but still pretty close. And I too had many of these same feelings. It is a blessing, and I honestly don't get other people's negativity and their need to share it with you. I love that picture btw. Cute.

Mrs4444 8:16 AM  

This is a terrific post that speaks from the hearts of mothers everywhere. Nice. I'm glad you faded the voices of others and began to listen to your own :)

Andrea Frederick 9:14 AM  

I'm glad you overcame!

Swoozie 9:38 AM  

What a great post! Having 2 under 2 certainly is challenging and crazy and scary and fun but it's all so worth it! Sometimes I too wish people would keep their advice and comments to themselves but I've conceded that it goes with the territory! LOL!

Miss Jenn 10:12 AM  

wonderful post! glad you got the faith to get through, and judging from your happy family picture everyone survived the hard times!!

A.V.A 10:13 AM  

I had the same fear. Josslyn and Jacob are 18 months apart. I was going to be a mother of 3 with 2 under 2. When I found out I was pregnant with Josslyn I cried and not tears of joy. I feel guilty now but it was just so scary. I was already stretched thin with 2!

Candy Graber 10:43 AM  

I know how you mean! I am currently in that situation right now. My son is 23 months and I have a 4 month old, some days are maddening! I am so blessed to have an awesome supportive family, I don't know how I would do it without them!

Mel Fraase 11:00 AM  

I know where you're coming from! I was a litte freaked out when #2 came. I was even more nervous when we had #3 because daddy was deployed overseas and I'd be alone most of the time! I got over it. When we had #4 I really didn't have time to worry!! I've learned, too, to take it day to day, or hour to hour and enjoy those moments before they're gone!!

Anissa 12:11 PM  

Love your post! My babies are 14, 9, and 3. Great shot --- to cute. TFS

The Mom Jen 5:18 PM  

Beautiful touching story! I've been there...although my kids aren't that close in age! Cute pic too!

itsahumanzoo 7:49 PM  

I waited until my son was two to have another kid because of those same fears. However, it doesn't get any easier. Everywhere I go people are always commenting on how I look like I have my hands full, I wish they would just keep it to themselves sometimes. Great post. Mine is here if you want to check it out.
-Angela

Courtney 9:42 PM  

what a wonderful post. I am dreaming about having another baby and they will be almost three years apart if we get our acts together :) which I think is completely doable, but then there is always the third and fourth and mama not getting any younger. YIKES, I will need to have Irish twins :)

Omah's Helping Hands 12:29 AM  

A mothers love and instincts kicks in. We are blessed with that mechanism that the good Lord gave us. Cute babies!!!

Miko's Girl 6:38 AM  

My children were twenty months apart. People remarked - I chose to ignore the comments. When we brought my youngest home, I remember that first year with a glow. G., C. and I took daily naps together. C. loved G. And, God knew what I could handle and gave me an easy baby the second time around. I'm glad you put aside the fear and just did what you needed to do.

Kelley 11:41 PM  

My two oldest are 19 months apart - and yeah, we too had some busy times! When friends have kids close together and seem overwhelmed I just tell them to focus on the kids and try to keep the kitchen and the laundry going. Everything else can just wait! The bathrooms and floors don't have to be cleaned every few days or every week....taking care and loving those babies is what matters.

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