A Confession

Okay, time for a confession. I suffer from a SEVERE lack of follow-through. Seeing as how the first step in overcoming a problem is admitting it, I am now admitting it for all to see. Will this help? I don't know. I have admitted to this problem freely for years, but maybe now I will feel more accountable and forced to action. Action precipitates change, so...I see good things from here on out, assuming I can just follow-through with it!

I love lists, schedules, and all the various accoutrements of organization. I can stick to a To-Do list without a problem. I cannot stick to making myself write out a To-Do list everyday. I can create a master schedule and enjoy every step of that creation process. I can stick to the schedule for about 3 days before I ever so slightly start slipping out of the routine. This is one of the areas where my lack of follow-through really bothers me. We have a wonderful MOTH schedule posted on our refrigerator. I spent a week before Gracie was born poring over the wonderfully encouraging Managers of Their Homes book by Steven and Terri Maxwell and putting our schedule together. When I began to implement the schedule, I knew it was going to be such a blessing to our family. The children loved knowing there was always something coming up next. Discipline issues seemed to just melt away as we fit the schedule into our lives. It was amazing! Unfortunately, I soon lost that original fervor for sticking to the schedule. I was slowly letting things drop off here and there, and before I knew it, we were back to living with the loose schedule we always had, and still do now. While it works for us, and while I know some would still consider our days fairly scheduled and organized, I know getting back to my MOTH schedule would make a considerable difference in our home, both for the children and myself. This is a high priority right now. I am looking forward to spending the time to change our old schedule so that the current one fits our lives now. I am looking forward to implementing it and seeing all of the resultant positive changes. However, I am trying not to build it up too much in my head so that I can stick with it easier.

In thinking about this, I have realized that I have great follow-through when it comes to the kitchen. I continue to stick to our frugal budget, cook completely from scratch, cook using my streamlined method, and cook foods that are as healthy as possible (at least most of the time). How is it that I have been able to maintain this follow-through in this area of my life, and not any others? I think the answer lies in the fact that I set myself up to not have any option but to follow-through. By having a strict, set budget, and by only doing one large monthly grocery trip, what choice do I have? If I don't follow-through with Eric's and my desire to eat and cook this certain way, I will either blow our budget or run out of food within a week. Both of those are things I am clearly not willing to do. This is the trick. I realize that I must carry this viewpoint over into all the other areas in my life so that I do not have an option to not follow-through. The difficulty comes in figuring out just how I do that.

I realize part of my problem is my obstinance towards "the system." All my life I have felt the need to buck the system at every turn. (At 6: "Don't tell me I can't be in the circus! I'll show you! I'll tightrope walk across our clothesline just to prove I can." I still have the scar on my neck that proves that was not my most brilliant idea. Apparently, it wasn't enough to get me to change my ways though.) I'm sure this causes a shutter among many of my Titus 2/Proverbs 31 friends. How can someone who feels this way possibly ever succeed at being a truly submissive wife? I often wonder that myself, and admittedly I do struggle with those feelings at times. However, I know this is what I was created for and I have a strong, true desire to please my God and my husband. (Would those stubborn feelings even exist in regards to my husband's headship were it not for the overwhelming amount of feminist propaganda filling our world?) So, I guess that would be another trick. A strong and true desire for success, that is not clouded by worldly influences or selfish need, helps me to maintain follow-through. This I also must figure out how to weave in to my day-to-day responsibilities.

I would love to see myself break this self-defeating habit. I know Eric would also. Breaking old, comfortable habits is tough business, even when the strong desire to do so is there. I'm willing to give it a shot though. I'll start small. Maybe I'll pick a few things to force myself to follow-through on this upcoming week that I would usually let slip through the cracks. I'll let you know how it goes. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to share them with me!