Friday, July 29, 2005

Me thinks I think too much

Sometimes I feel like my brain is in constant overdrive. I think and overthink all day long. At times, I even catch myself thinking about two or three separate things at once, and then I start THINKING about how I'm thinking about too much at once. It is a muddled mess in this brain of mine.

I love to write and I'm constantly writing something in my head, although lately I rarely take the time to put pen to paper and make the room for some new thoughts. Now that I'm doing this blog, I find myself composing entries all throughout the day. There are about 15 different posts floating around right now. I know the smart thing to do would be to grab a piece of paper and jot down my thoughts before I lose track of them, but as my site title suggests, I am just a simple woman and bringing this bright idea to fruition seems like just too much work. So, we'll see what happens.

I guess thinking too much really isn't the problem. To be honest, I usually enjoy it and am rarely bored since I can easily get lost in my thoughts at any moment (although I try not to do that while cooking or driving, at least not too often). The problem comes in when I try to talk. I think there is some flaw in the wiring between my brain and my mouth. I typically cannot get them to work in synchronization. The thoughts are there, I just have a hard time finding the words to make those thoughts come out of my mouth. (Maybe this is why I like writing...nobody is sitting across from that piece of paper waiting to see what I write next. I can take as much time as want without risking someone losing interest.) This "flaw" of mine annoys my husband to no end. He is like me in that his mind is always going. However, he is one of the fortunate ones who is able to have the thought flow right out of his mouth. And surprisingly, he is also able to censor his thoughts and put them in the right order before they come out. I marvel at and truly admire this ability of his. He always wants me to just talk. I really wish I could. Conversations can get frustrating for both of us at times...he wants me to just open my mouth and I want to just sit and sift until I find the appropriate words that will convey my thoughts in a way that makes sense. I thank God we are both patient, understanding people who are deeply in love with each other. Otherwise, we just might need an interpreter. I know if I had an easier time expressing my thoughts in a timely manner life would be much easier. I wonder how I could practice this? Maybe I need to lock myself in a soundproof room and just speak non stop until I get used to everything working together as it should.

Surprisingly, this also happens when I am praying. To me, I am talking to God, and talking equals conversation, and as I've already established, conversing can be my downfall. I often feel like I am rehearsing what I am talking to the Lord about...I find myself going back and rephrasing things or thinking ahead to what I am going to say next. I know this is ridiculous. He knows everything in my head - my thoughts, my needs, my praises. He is a party to all my thoughts. Over the past few months I have really been working on this. Instead of thinking of any particular thought as prayer, I now just try to keep a running dialogue between myself and my Father all day. It seems to help, but I still feel I need more at times. This has led me to consider starting a prayer journal. I have read about many women that do this and I think it may just be what I am looking for. It also helps to remind myself of that fact - this is what I need for myself, not what God needs from me. He molded me in his image, imperfections and all, and I'm sure he both understands and appreciates our disjointed communication. Unfortunately, none of the people I encounter can also hear my every thought. If I have any hopes of ever being able to carry on an intelligent conversation that has not been rehearased a dozen times first, I really should try to work on this.

2 comments:

Dawn,  11:37 PM  

Hi Kate! Eric is so proud of you and sent me your Blog. =) You are such a fantastic writer and I look forward to reading more of your stuff! Have a great weekend..........~Dawn

( leaving in the morning for Virginia, catch ya when I return )

Jamie 8:12 AM  

I do this too Kate - especially the part about writing several blog entires in my head and then forgetting to type them out. I have a good one that *hopefully* I'll get to today. Nice to see your blog!

A Grammatical Disclaimer

I freely admit to consistently using improper grammar in the following areas:
1. I like run-on sentences.
2. I have a tendency to end sentences with a pronoun. (I really do. I can't help it.)
3. I always seem to use passive voice in my sentences. (See?)

I've been trying to break this habit, unsuccessfully, for years, so now I just accept that as my writing style, and since I'm not writing for grades anymore, I embrace it. (Again, see?)

Hence, I invoke Blogger Artistic License for this blog!

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