Getting Over Myself

Sometimes when I think I finally have things figured out and am heading down the right path, something happens to remind me just how far I am from where I truly want to be. And you know what I've realized? The main hurdle to actually getting there is ME. Actually I realized this quite some time ago but I still have yet to clear that hurdle. Knowing something and really doing something about it are two completely different things.

So how do I get past the barriers I put up, the emotional blocks I have, the stubborn, childish form of communication I resort to when I feel confronted? The answer is simple: I have to get over myself! But again, knowing something and really doing something about it are two completely different things. My mind can know the right thing to do but my heart gets in the way. And sometimes the reverse is even true. I can know what the right thing to do emotionally would be, but my logic (or lack thereof sometimes) gets in the way. Changing ourselves is some of the toughest work that we could ever do. And we do not have the luxury of working on ourselves hidden away from the world.

Every morning I vow and I pray that I will be better and do better and finally just crash through my barrier of self. But you know what? Every morning I wake up to a husband, four children and a home that need me. Every morning I try. Every morning I cry out to God to help me. And yet every morning I somehow manage to get in my own way. (Although some days I do manage to make it to afternoon or evening before that happens. Those days are SO encouraging!) I tend to get caught up in the forward motion of the day and let my objective of changing my internal self slip from my mind. Then when something happens that makes it come crashing back to the forefront, I feel upset. How am I supposed to do this work on myself when I have so much else to do? And thus the vicious cycle continues. Because you see, if I could just get over myself and push the self-pity away, maybe I would gain some insight from whatever just happened. Maybe it would be a life lesson for me. I push my children to grab onto those experiences and use them for their own betterment, but yet I can't do it myself. See...this is what I'm talking about...I get in my own way! (Is your head spinning yet? Mine sure is!)

Obviously, this getting over myself needs to be turned over to God. This is where I need to die to self so that I may better serve Him. I want my role as wife and mother to bring Him glory. I do not do this when I get in the way. "Dying to self" sounds almost scary in this world that is all about putting self first. But I choose to be of the Word, not the world, so I need to let my every action reflect that. The following are some verses that I will be studying, memorizing, and trying to put into practical application on a daily basis. I want victory. Victory comes from God alone. So, I will get over myself by giving it over to Him.

• "The sacrifices of God are [a] a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Ps. 51:17
• "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.' " Matt. 16:24-25
• "He must become greater; I must become less" John 3:30
• "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." John 12:24-25
• "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2Cor 4:16-17